Understanding our own needs and communicating these to our loved ones are an important way of letting people truly know us and be successful in demonstrating their love, care and consideration of us.
Blake and Andy have been together for 23 years. Blake looks sad and withdrawn. Andy looks perplexed. When asked what her greatest regret is in her relationship, Blake says, “I just feel like I have never had what I want or need in our relationship. I feel completely neglected and unloved.” Imagine that? 23 years of feeling neglected and unloved.
On further exploration it turns out that Blake has a belief that it is not ok to ask for what you want or need. Her belief is that if Andy really loved her, he would just know. This myth about relationships has been around a very long time.
The truth is we have to be prepared to help our partner’s get to know us by letting them in on the secrets about our likes and dislikes, our needs and wants. “But isn’t that selfish?” asks Blake. Far from it, in fact, it is more selfish and damaging to hide yourself from your partner, preventing you both from developing and enjoying an intimately connected relationship.
If you would like to know more about what is real and what are myths in relationships join us at our next Couples Workshop in Brisbane on 18 and 19 May 2019 https://relationshipinstitute.com.au/events/couples-workshops/relationship-help-first-time-offered-in-australia/loc/2019-BRIS-ASL/