Many couples ask, what changes in your life after you have a baby?
The better question to ask is … what DOESN’T change!
These transformations, modifications and reformations can be too many to list here today – but we will focus on 4 facts that are backed by research – that do affect many couples once they bring a new baby home.
1. Did you know that 67% of all couples become unhappy during the first 3 years of their baby’s life? Only 33% remain content!
The transition to parenthood can be a complex maze that many couples simply do not know that they need to prepare for. The new parenting books often fail to acknowledge the challenges that a couple will face when they bring a new baby home that often can affect the very core of their relationship.
Many couples ask, what changes in your life after you have a baby?
The better question to ask is … what DOESN’T change!
These transformations, modifications and reformations can be too many to list here today – but we will focus on 4 facts that are backed by research – that do affect many couples once they bring a new baby home.
1. Did you know that 67% of all couples become unhappy during the first 3 years of their baby’s life? Only 33% remain content!
The transition to parenthood can be a complex maze that many couples simply do not know that they need to prepare for. The new parenting books often fail to acknowledge the challenges that a couple will face when they bring a new baby home that often can affect the very core of their relationship. Sleep deprivation, hormonal changes or an irritable baby can often see the cracks start to appear. Then we may see a workload increase at home combined with one parent ceasing paid employment, that can add financial pressure as well. Then there is the perceived unfairness of household chores that may add to the stress. Not to mention the resurgence of existing problems that may have already been in the relationship prior to baby being born.
This minefield of issues can prove disastrous for those without a roadmap to help them navigate through this transition. Yet research tells us that 33% CAN and DO make it through this stage successfully when following some simple relationship guidelines.
2. Did you know that babies can feel one or both of their parent’s negative energy?
Whilst we know that a new born baby cannot understand the actual words that are spoken, research tells us that even in utero, babies do feel, sense and relate to the TONE in which it is spoken as well as the general energy in the home.When tested in a controlled setting, babies were subjected to nonsense words that were spoken in an angry – neutral – and a happy tone by a male adult. The brain activity was measured during these ‘conversations’ and it was found even during sleep, babies reacted either negatively or positively to the vibe that was surrounding them.This research showed that babies are not oblivious to their parents’ conflict and later studies have proven that being subjected to peripheral arguments led to increased stress levels and babies brain function in later years.But babies that are the focus of conscious positive energy from both parents will benefit enormously in a physical and emotional sense both immediately and in later years.
3. Did you know that research has proven the link between showing affection & attention to your baby – and their positive development?
One of the most important things we can do is hug our kids!There is a huge amount of research that has been conducted in the last 10 years that shows an undeniable link between the affection we give our babies and the life-long positive effects it has on our kids for the rest of their lives.Children that have been subjected to genuine affection from birth show higher levels of self- esteem, a greater academic level of performance and a more genuine and successful level of parent / child communication than children growing up with non – affectionate parents.
In a study conducted at Duke university Medical School, over 500 babies were studied from birth to the age of 30.Psychologists discovered that children whose parents showed ‘extravagant’ affection were much less likely to feel stress or anxiety as young adults.They also experienced a much greater success in adapting socially later in life and displayed a higher level of general health – physically, emotionally and mentally.
4. Did you know that a baby tends to withdraw emotionally from a father who is unhappy in his relationship with mum?
When a baby senses that its Mum is unhappy, her baby will not retreat emotionally from her, but the same cannot be said for Dad. A baby that senses its father’s unhappiness will withdraw emotionally and this will not only seriously, but often times permanently affect the bond between father and child. Not only this, but new research suggests that babies and children whose fathers appeared unhappy in their relationship with the mothers were more likely to exhibit emotional and behavioural problems by the age of 3. Which is why the Gottman Institute constantly use the cornerstone philosophy of ‘The greatest gift you can give your baby is a strong relationship between the two of you’.
We know that the best ways for a dad to bond with his baby is:
a. Maintain a loving and connected relationship with baby’s mum
b. Skin to skin contact
c. Talking, singing and reading to baby especially with facial contact close to baby’s face
d. Spending time by playing every day
e. Carrying baby in a sling or carrier close to dads’ body when going for a walk
Whilst there is much we can look forward to when we bring a new baby into our family, there is also much we can do in preparing for both the positive and also the challenging aspects that can occur when we become new parents for the first time. But luckily for us, Dr John Gottman from the Gottman Institute has studied countless couples from the inception of their relationship, through to conception of their first baby, & continued through the entire transition to parenthood, & what he found was not only the clear markers for these relationship challenges, but more importantly, some clear solutions that create a pathway to happy and successful relationships.