The first three levels of the Sound Relationship House – Build Love Maps, Share Fondness and Admiration, and Turn Towards Instead of Away – serve as the foundation for The Positive Perspective. These levels form the strong foundation on which your Sound Relationship can flourish.
One of my clients isn’t so sure.
The term ‘Marriage Sabbatical’ was first coined by Cheryl Jarvis in her book The Marriage Sabbatical. The idea is that individuals in long term relationships be able to support each other to take time away from their daily routines to nurture their own creative, intellectual, or spiritual strengths in order to become fully expressed human beings.
Marathon Therapy is fast becoming one of the most popular and successful approaches to helping couples through relationship crisis. It is an approach that I would recommend for all couples presenting with significant relationship distress. Marathon Therapy usually consists of 2 to 5 consecutive days of intense, structured, evidence based couples therapy. Marathon Couples' Therapy is a specific type of therapy that is short-term and intensive. Its purpose is to move couples quickly through their current crisis or specific perpetual issue. It is not meant as an on-going, long-term couples' therapy.
It’s an all too familiar scenario.
You excitedly bring home your first baby, full of love, hope and anticipation – only to find that by bringing a new little person into your relationship, your own partnership begins to deteriorate. In fact, research has shown that most new parents will experience a huge increase in arguing and fighting during the first weeks and months of becoming a family. This in turn leads to almost 70% of new parents becoming permanently unhappy within their relationship.
There are many reasons for this potential drop in happiness, but today we are exploring the role that intimacy and sex has during your transition to parenthood – and how this can effect the long-term success of your relationship.
This is a question that is frequently asked of therapists by media. It turns out that couples are mostly fighting about “absolutely nothing”, according to Dr John Gottman. In his research with over 3,000 couples Dr Gottman observed thousands of hours of couples fighting and what he came to see was that couples think they are fighting about wet towels on the floor, or messy kitchens, or a million other day to day things; but what they are actually fighting about is the way they think they are being treated!
For many of us Christmas is an important annual ritual of connection, but the way we celebrate Christmas can vary considerably. For some couples Christmas can be a deeply spiritual and very personal experience that draws them closer together. For others Christmas can be a source of tension, conflict and misery. Dr John Gottman found in his research looking at what made relationships work that couples who had developed a culture rich with symbols and rituals and an appreciation for the roles and goals that link them together had much more stable and satisfying relationships.
As part of his research on what makes relationships work, Dr John Gottman recruited several hundred newlyweds, observed how they interacted together, interviewed them and had them fill in a range of questionnaires designed to get a baseline on how stable their relationships were. He then followed up with them six years later. Many of the couples had remained together. Many had divorced. It turned out that the couples that stayed married were much better at one thing – what Gottman called Turning Towards Instead of Away. At the six-year follow up, couples that had stayed married turned towards one another 86% of the time. Couples that had divorced averaged only 33% of the time. This suggests the secret to relationship stability is turning towards each other instead of turning away.
According to McCrindle research, November (spring) and March (autumn) are the most popular months to get married in Australia. Sadly about 38% of those marriages will end in divorce within 8.4 years. If we factor in the number of couples who end de facto relationships that number rises to approximately 48% of all committed live-in relationships ending each year in Australia. Additionally, approximately 70% of those households include children. It’s not a pretty picture.
Luckily we have some good news. After studying couples interactions over the past 40 years psychologist and researcher Dr John Gottman found that happy, healthy, long lasting relationships were characterised by two basic attitudes—you guessed it—kindness and generosity.
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