Choice Points
There are many choice points in your relationship where you can decide to turn towards your partner and acknowledge and engage in their world, or you can absently ignore or dismiss the attempted connecting gestures from your partner.
Ultimately, turning towards bids for connections from your partner lets them know that you are there for them, that you have care and are interested in them. Turning away from your partner’s bids for connection has a slow and corrosive effect on the relationship over time. The overriding message is that I’m not there for you and in turn I can’t rely on you. If you are not there for me in the small moments in my life how can I trust you will be there when I really need you, when I’m hurt, sad or in pain.
Bids for connections come in many shapes and sizes, they can be playful bids, comments, questions, physical gestures and facial expressions. Understanding how you partner makes bids for connection and consciously turning towards them, viewing a bid as an opportunity to build connection in everyday life, strengthens friendship and trust because it communicates often, ‘I’m there you”.
Try this at home
Recognise five small ways your partner makes bids for connection and consciously turn towards them. It may be as simple as a request to brush their hair or to have a coffee together or a sharing of a stories about work.