The holiday season is great time to develop meaningful ways of connecting with your partner and family. These rituals are important because they symbolize who we are as a couple and family, they honour your cultural heritage, faith or family values. They demonstrate that by time out of our busy schedules we make one another a priority, creating a strong sense of belonging, they are also just fun, people look forward to them. Rituals of connections are those activities and interactions that are consistent and predictable ways of engagement. For example, how you greet each other at the end of the day, how we give out gifts on Christmas day, what Christmas lunch looks like, what we do as a couple and family on boxing day.
So here six suggestions you may be interested in trying over this holiday season.
1. Once a week over the holiday season, do something that is a surprise for your partner like buy tickets to a concert or show, a small gift, write a love poem and leave it on their pillow, organise a picnic, go for a drive into the country, stay overnight in the city –the list is endless, just make it simple.
2. Daily walks together are a great way to spend time together, many couples report having great stress reducing conversations as they increase their daily steps. A daily walk can become a tremendous ritual of reconnecting at the beginning or end of the day and even help work off some Christmas calories.
3. When the inevitable disagreement or fight occurs be ready to repair. Repairs can be very small and simple. For example, if a disagreement is occurring, saying the following repair phrases can really help:
- Can we slow this conversation down so I can understand you more?
- I’m feeling criticised or blamed can you rephrase it?
- My reactions were harsh, sorry
- Can I take that back?
- Please don’t withdraw
- Let’s take a break and I’ll return
- That’s a good point
- This is not your problem it is our problem
- I want to be gentler to you right now
- What are your concerns?
- Let’s compromise here
4. Take time out just for you to restore and regenerate, give each other the opportunity and support to do activities that nurture and provide relaxation. Treat yourself to a massage or day spa, connect with a friend you haven’t spoken to for a while, prioritise your exercise and fitness activities.
5. Every day look for opportunities to be kind to your partner, acts of kindness build a strong and lasting positive perceptive in your relationship. From making you’re partner a cup of coffee in the morning to helping them with whatever household task they are doing. Kindness is about being generous in spirit and action, being attuned to your partner and acting in their best interest.
6. Develop one new holiday season ritual of connection that becomes an ongoing and predictable activity that you both really enjoy. Here are a few examples:
- Christmas tree and decorations ritual
- Christmas day breakfast, lunch or dinner
- Family dinner time where everyone talks about their day
- Christmas day gift giving
- Leaving ‘I appreciate about you’ notes on the breakfast counter for your partner to find
- Family game night
From our families to yours – a wonderful Holiday Season to you all!