Jillian (not her real name) and her husband attended a Couples’ Workshop in Melbourne during 2015.
I had read some material on the internet about John Gottman and his research and I thought it made a lot of sense so when I saw that this workshop was being offered in Melbourne I convinced my husband to come with me. We had been married for 16 years and it had mostly been good, but in recent years, the stresses of raising kids and financial pressures have led us into some not so nice arguments and we were both feeling hurt and at a loss.
Jillian (not her real name) and her husband attended a Couples’ Workshop in Melbourne during 2015.
I had read some material on the internet about John Gottman and his research and I thought it made a lot of sense so when I saw that this workshop was being offered in Melbourne I convinced my husband to come with me. We had been married for 16 years and it had mostly been good, but in recent years, the stresses of raising kids and financial pressures have led us into some not so nice arguments and we were both feeling hurt and at a loss.
About a week before the workshop Trish called me and introduced herself which I thought was good and made me feel less nervous about turning up on the day. She was interested in hearing how things were going in our relationship and what we hoped to get out of the weekend. It was a good conversation because it helped me to get a bit clearer in my head about what I was looking for and wanted from my relationship. She also spoke to my husband and afterwards he was much more enthusiastic about going. He said he got a sense that this could really help us.
When we arrived on the first morning we were met at the door by John, he immediately made us feel welcomed and offered us tea and coffee, and chatted a bit to help us feel comfortable. There were already a couple of couples in the room and Trish was talking to them. She also come over to us and chatted for a bit.
Once all 12 couples arrived and the workshop began it was immediately clear that we were going to not only learn a lot of new things but that it was going to be fun. The first day was focused on understanding what it takes to have a really good relationship and as the various concepts were introduced we were given instructions to do a range of activities that saw us ask each other questions, talk about the things we appreciated in each other and in our relationship. I learnt a number of things about my husband that I hadn’t been aware of, like he really likes it when I touch his arm or back when I walk past him, something I never realized meant so much to him.
In the late afternoon we spent some time talking about Sex, Romance and Passion which was great because it gave us a way to talk about things that we often avoid because it feels too awkward and often ends in hurt feelings.
Day 2 focused on understanding conflict and how to manage it rather than to win or solve it. These exercises were really difficult, however, both Trish and John were on hand to help us when we got stuck and to coach us in how to stay in dialogue together even though we were talking about tricky topics.
One of the exercises was about how to reprocess an old fight that we had never been able to resolve. This was wonderful for us because we were able to really get past some hurt feelings that we had both been harbouring for a few years. Even though it was a difficult process we both felt lighter and much closer than we had for a long time afterwards.
In the afternoon we spent some time doing activities that helped us establish some shared goals and talk about how we could integrate the new learning we had into our day to day lives.
The way the material was presented was clear and logical and with a lot of fun and laughter to help us put things into perspective. The two days flew past without a moment of feeling bored. We left the weekend feeling really hopeful that we now had a number of new skills and ideas and plans that would help us really make our relationship better and closer and we have been able to keep using the skills and techniques we learnt which really helps us stay on track together. Even 6 months later we still talk about the things we learnt and the fun we had on that weekend. It was the best money we have ever spent on our future happiness.