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The Dynamics of Small Betrayals in Relationships - By Advanced Gottman Clinical Trainer & Consultant Trish Purnell-Webb
8 October 2024 / Relationship Help
Betrayal is a powerful word that often conjures up images of dramatic, earth-shattering events, like being caught red-handed in a compromising position with your partner’s best friend; or finding the receipt for jewellery that’s been sent to another in your partner’s coat pocket, or arriving home unexpectedly and finding your partner entertaining someone else in your bed. All these stories and more have found their way into my therapy room and yours too I bet.
However, the truth is that betrayal can also come in smaller, more subtle forms, and these small betrayals can significantly impact relationships even more than the bigger ones. While they may not make the evening news or lead to immediate breakups, the effects of these small betrayals can erode trust, eat away intimacy, and pulverize connection over time.
A Formulation HAC - By Advanced Gottman Clinical Trainer & Consultant John Flanagan (Article 1 / 3)
13 March 2024 / For therapists / Relationship Help
I have been struck over the years by both the courage and struggle couples experience in their relationships, inspired by their capacity to repair, forgive, reconnect and in awe of their abilities to rebuild when the obstacles seem overwhelming and insurmountable. Ordinary everyday couples do extraordinary things; healing the deepest wound, taking responsibility for betrayals, atoning and attuning with each other and eventually creating a safer, stable and connected future together.
Couple therapeutic practice is dynamic and continually evolving. Over the next series of RIA articles, I want to share with you some practice and training insights I have gathered while training over 2500 therapists in Gottman methods and completing over 12 000 hours in couple’s therapy. My hope is this series will support therapists in a very practical sense, sharpening assessment formulation, conceptualising couple repair through the repair continuum lens and finally exploring intervention to aid in deeper couple repair and healing.
The first article is the Formulation HAC- Healing the past, Attuning the Present and Creating the Future
The second article is the Repair Continuum- Creating a lens for therapists to distinguish between different relationship injuries and the repair interventions required for each.
The third article will take a deeper dive into Relationship Repair Interventions exploring repairs in motion, those small missteps in couple communication; Restorative Dialogue-an atoning conversation and finally we will discuss a couple’s Trigger Management Approach when old hurts, memories and triggers resurface.
Wisdoms of Anatol Rapoport on Conflict and the Gottman Rapoport Conversation by By Advanced Gottman Clinical Trainer & Gottman Consultant John Flanagan
6 November 2023 / For therapists / Relationship Help / Relationship Institute Australasia
Sometimes we can feel in a perpetual conflict cycle in our relationships and lives, continuously reinforced when we turn on the news or open up social media. We are constantly presented with polar opposite perspectives and asked to take a side. This polarity creates deeper chasms in views and does very little to help build understanding of difference or encourage a curiosity of exploration and tolerance. We miss out on the depth and rich complexity when we narrow down our perspectives and actively exclude other views and opinions.
In relationship and in life there are fewer absolutes than what we imagine.
An introduction to Gottman Method Couples Therapy
22 May 2023 / For therapists / Relationship Help / Relationship Institute Australasia
Gottman Method Couples Therapy is an evidence-based approach for working with distressed couples. This approach, developed by renowned relationship experts John and Julie Gottman, is designed to help couples increase trust, build understanding, and improve communication in their relationships.
The foundation of the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy is based on many years of research from the Gottman’s research centre known as the Love Lab. Through their work, they have identified the key components that can predict the success or failure of a relationship. They have divided these components into three main areas: friendship and connection, conflict management and creating shared meaning. Through their research, they have developed strategies to help couples in each of those areas.
Easter Connections (8 great suggestions to grow a relationship over the break) - By Gottman Marital Therapist, Level 3 Trainer & Consultant John Flanagan
6 April 2023 / Relationship Help / For Couples
How often when someone asks “How are you?” - the response is ‘Busy’ or indeed the question is ‘Are you keeping busy’, and the answer is “You bet”.
I appreciate we are all busy; nevertheless, we need to create opportunities in our relationship, to connect, to generate fondness and friendship, to update each other on how we are traveling through time and space individually and together. Over this Easter break take time to focus on building stronger connections. Here are eight suggestions to help do this.
The Maths and Stats of Love - By Gottman Master Trainer John Flanagan
21 March 2023 / For therapists / Relationship Help / Gottman Marital Therapy
In his extensive career, Dr John Gottman developed mathematical models, scales, and formulas to identify the elements of stability in relationships and the interactive patterns that cause couples to divorce. We now know what makes relationship work and not.
Here are some fun and not so fun facts.
Dr John Gottman has completed over 12 longitudinal studies with over 3000 couples, the longest period couples were followed up was 20 years.
The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse, criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling predict early divorcing. When the 4 horsemen are present without an effective repair attempt, couples divorce an average of 5.6 years after the wedding.
What you can expect when you go to Gottman Relationship Therapy? By Gottman Master Trainer John Flanagan
23 September 2022 / For therapists / Relationship Help / Gottman Marital Therapy
Gottman Relationship Therapy has grown in popularity over the last 40 years, internationally and now here in Australia - and there are very good reasons for this. It is one of, if not the most, research-based methodology for couple’s therapy.
Gottman Therapy involves personalising the principles from the Sound Relationship House Theory to each couple’s unique interaction patterns, issues and challenges.
Assessment-Understanding your unique couple story
Gottman Therapy has a strong focus on assessing and understanding the presenting and underlying issues that couples bring to therapy. Gottman Therapists ensure a thorough assessment is completed to gain a clear understanding of the couple’s history, strengths, weaknesses and treatment goals.
Why train in couples therapy with Relationship Institute Australasia
12 April 2022 / For therapists / Relationship Help / Relationship Institute Australasia / Gottman Marital Therapy
RIA is Australia’s lead agency that offers Certified Gottman Methods Couple Therapy training for professionals. We have delivered over 90 Gottman Training programs and trained over 1500 professionals in Australia, New Zealand, Hong Kong, and the USA. RIA begins and finishes your Gottman professional development journey offering all three levels of Gottman training, professional supervision, and consultation to become a Certified Gottman Therapist.
Currently across the world, there are 26 Master Trainers and Consultants in Gottman Therapy. This group has honed their craft over many years and lead Gottman training across all levels. Fortunately, in Australia RIA has the two Master Trainers and Consultants, John Flanagan and Trish Purnell-Webb.
Easter 2022 - By John Flanagan AMHSW Certified Gottman Therapist, Master Trainer & Consultant
11 April 2022 / Relationship Help / Relationship Institute Australasia / Gottman Marital Therapy
Is it too early to start hoping that we are finally coming out of two years of mask wearing, lock downs, isolation, limited travel, and holidays? The pandemic came with a high toll for individuals, relationships, families, and communities across this country. All this compounded by recent devastating flooding with many communities declared disaster zones has certainly added to a growing experience of feeling overwhelmed, stressed and anxious, stretching our reserves of resilience. Below we share three sensible and practical activities to use during your Easter break to restore resilience in your relationship when both of you are feeling fatigued or depleted.
Activity 1: Be on each other’s team
The Stress Reducing Conversation is a wonderful way to turn towards your partner ...
How to choose your Gottman Therapist? By John Flanagan AMHSW Certified Gottman Therapist, Master Trainer & Consultant
28 February 2022 / Relationship Help / Gottman Marital Therapy
Gottman Relationship Therapy has grown in popularity over the last 40 years, internationally and now here in Australia - and there are very good reasons for this.
It is one of, if not the most, research-based methodology for couple’s therapy. It is well credentialed with studies using randomized clinical trials being published in the Journal of Family Therapy and the Journal of Family Psychology endorsing the effectiveness of the Gottman method.
More and more couples are looking towards this approach to help them with their relationship struggles, but how does one know the level of Gottman expertise and training their relationship therapist has?
There is a world of difference between a therapist using some Gottman techniques and having a rudimentary understanding of Gottman theory and practice - compared to specifically being taught through the different levels of Gottman training and the journey in becoming an endorsed Certified Gottman Therapist.
So here are three questions (and their answers) to ask your potential relationship therapist about their expertise in Gottman Therapy.