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What is the Number One Thing Couples Fight About?
2 January 2017 / Relationship Help
This is a question that is frequently asked of therapists by media. It turns out that couples are mostly fighting about “absolutely nothing”, according to Dr John Gottman. In his research with over 3,000 couples Dr Gottman observed thousands of hours of couples fighting and what he came to see was that couples think they are fighting about wet towels on the floor, or messy kitchens, or a million other day to day things; but what they are actually fighting about is the way they think they are being treated!
View articleLet’s talk Gender and Sexually Diverse Couples
30 December 2016 / Gottman Marital Therapy
If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard a clinician tell me they treat all their gay and straight couples ‘the same’ I’d be a rich man. Although it’s totally true that same-sex couples bring many of the same issues to their therapist’s offices, working with gender and sexually diverse individuals in relationships is anything but the same as working with their heteronormative counterparts.
View articleHow Are Your Rituals of Connection?
2 December 2016 / Relationship Help
For many of us Christmas is an important annual ritual of connection, but the way we celebrate Christmas can vary considerably. For some couples Christmas can be a deeply spiritual and very personal experience that draws them closer together. For others Christmas can be a source of tension, conflict and misery. Dr John Gottman found in his research looking at what made relationships work that couples who had developed a culture rich with symbols and rituals and an appreciation for the roles and goals that link them together had much more stable and satisfying relationships.
View articleDecember is the most stressful month for couples
24 November 2016 / Gottman Marital Therapy
While Christmas has a reputation for good cheer and joy, it is also the most stressful month of the year for couples, according to Seddons, a law firm in the UK. They report in their 2011 study of 3000 couples that more arguments occur during the month of December than at any other time of the year. It was reported that the average couple has 4 arguments a day during December, or a total of 124 arguments over the month.
View articleDo You Turn Towards or Away from Your Partner
6 November 2016 / Relationship Help
As part of his research on what makes relationships work, Dr John Gottman recruited several hundred newlyweds, observed how they interacted together, interviewed them and had them fill in a range of questionnaires designed to get a baseline on how stable their relationships were. He then followed up with them six years later. Many of the couples had remained together. Many had divorced. It turned out that the couples that stayed married were much better at one thing – what Gottman called Turning Towards Instead of Away. At the six-year follow up, couples that had stayed married turned towards one another 86% of the time. Couples that had divorced averaged only 33% of the time. This suggests the secret to relationship stability is turning towards each other instead of turning away.
View articleRecovering from Infidelity
16 October 2016 / Gottman Marital Therapy
Infidelity in a committed relationship—can severely strain the relationship and the individuals involved. One partner’s affair can leave the other person feeling devastated, alone, betrayed, jealous, confused, and aggrieved. Sometimes, an affair ends a relationship, and other times couples are able to repair the relationship on their own or with the help of a therapist, often making the relationship stronger as a result.
View articleWhat makes relationships happy and lasting?
7 October 2016 / Relationship Help
According to McCrindle research, November (spring) and March (autumn) are the most popular months to get married in Australia. Sadly about 38% of those marriages will end in divorce within 8.4 years. If we factor in the number of couples who end de facto relationships that number rises to approximately 48% of all committed live-in relationships ending each year in Australia. Additionally, approximately 70% of those households include children. It’s not a pretty picture.
Luckily we have some good news. After studying couples interactions over the past 40 years psychologist and researcher Dr John Gottman found that happy, healthy, long lasting relationships were characterised by two basic attitudes—you guessed it—kindness and generosity.
Substance Abuse in Relationships
23 September 2016 / Gottman Marital Therapy
Michael Brown a Certified Gottman Therapist in the USA describes substance abuse as the “uninvited-invited guest” in an intimate relationship. He argues that at times substance abuse enters into a relationship like an uninvited guest. Other times, it is invited in by one, and unwanted by the other. Or in a third scenario, it is invited in by both partners. However, whenever it enters, it is like an unwanted guest that stays too long and interferes in the relationship. So just how does this “unwanted guest” impact relationships? Viewing it through the Sound Relationship House helps us to better conceptualise the issues.
View articleIs Finding your “Soul Mate” a real thing?
12 September 2016 / Relationship Institute Australasia
We are social animals and have a deep and underlying desire to find that one perfect person, our ‘soul mate’, to spend the rest of our days with in perfect happiness and harmony. But what do we really know about the perfect mate or the ideal partner? Psychology has shed some light on this mystery in an effort to understand what truly makes two people compatible for a lifetime.
View articlePosition available at Rose Park Psychology
8 September 2016 / Relationship Institute Australasia
Rose Park Psychology is a private practice in an inner city suburb of Adelaide and are seeking an experience relationship counsellor.
View article